will be a better friend

sometimes along the stages of life, i will reflect upon myself. it has been a long long time ever since i last did that.


will i a good friend enough to all my friends? this question shall be the topic of today's post.


i always thought that i am the typical cancerian. emotional and motherly like. but there was something great missing out there. cancerian is supposed to be the most sensitive creature around. but NOT me. sometimes, i really hate the myself for being so insensitive. by the way, i always thought i was sensitive enough. but no more now. actually, i am pretty sotong and blur. just like a kuku nathan. but i mean no harm.



sometimes, i also hate myself for being so self-centered. is it the word to use in the first place? i am not sure too. i also hate myself for being so lacked in vocabulary. the words i used forever don't reflect my exact feelings at that time. haven't i learnt my lesson well; that is to be expressive??? but where is the improvement in me? i also hate myself for always saying the wrong things at the wrong time. i dun even have the slightest intention. i dun know why am i doing stupid things.. is so not me. is definitely so not me. i do care but i dun know how to express. or perhaps i m always in my own world. my world of myself. the lead is always myself. yes, just myself.




is time i think for the people around me. is time i slow down the pace and wait for the people around me. is time i changed to be a supporting lead.




take a look at the activities i have been missing out. more than 10 times i missed sending my friends off the airport. think about the birthday celebrations that i missed. think about the number of birthday wishes i forgot to wish. think about the number of friends that i neglected their feelings. think about the number of times i wasn't there for friends that needed me. think about the number of times i received missed calls without getting back to them. think about the number of times i missed lunches and dinners with my friends. think about the times i din reply or continue a msn conversation. think about the number of times i had to say no to reject my friends.




JUST THINK ABOUT THE NUMBER OF TIMES.




i always thought i can balance life very well. i am very wrong or i have been too optimistic isn't it?





afterall, i have not been a great friend. or should i say not even a friend?





nono. don't get me wrong. i am definitely not trying to sound pathetic or sound inferior.






my purpose to blog, is to CHANGE.





这些年一个人
风也过雨也走
有过泪有过错
还记得坚持甚麽

真爱过才会懂
会寂寞会回首
终有梦终有你在心中

朋友一生一起走
那些日子不再有
一句话一辈子
一生情一杯酒
朋友不曾孤单过
一声朋友你会懂
还有伤还有痛
还要走还有我